Why do Most Relationships Fail? – The Myth of the Magical Other
by Academy of Ideas
“…more people look for salvation through relationship than in houses of worship. One may even suggest that romantic love has replaced institutional religion as the greatest motive power and influence in our lives…the search for love has replaced the search for God.”
James Hollis, The Eden Project: In Search of the Magical Other
Half of all first marriages end in divorce; as do two-thirds of second marriages, and nearly three-quarters of third marriages. Most non-marital relationships also end in separation. Of the relationships that do last, many are unhealthy and unhappy. Most relationships, in other words, fail. In some cases it is infidelity, abuse, or a clash in personality, beliefs, values, or life-plans that causes a relationship to fail. Many times, however, it is the result of one, or both partners, burdening the relationship with the fantasy that it will cure all their personal problems. This belief that a romantic relationship will unlock a life of happiness and fulfillment, the psychiatrist M. Scott Peck called the myth of romantic love. And in this video, we explain how belief in this myth destroys one’s capacity to cultivate the healthy and realistic love that sustains fulfilling relationships. For as M. Scott Peck writes:
“The myth of romantic love tells us that when we meet the person for whom we are intended…we will be able to satisfy all of each other’s needs forever and ever, and therefore live happily forever after in perfect union and harmony…While I generally find that great myths are great precisely because they represent and embody great universal truths…the myth of romantic love is a dreadful lie…as a psychiatrist I weep in my heart almost daily for the ghastly confusion and suffering that this myth fosters.”
Read more of the transcript and watch video…
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What an excellent topic to pick for readers of TCTL, and the invaluable selected quotes from the authors.
Personally, I can identify all of my faults in my marriage to my late wife, the Love of My Life. We had plenty of arguments and would-be breakups, but stayed together as the good times outweighed the bad times which I was mostly responsible for, and ultimately, loved and cherished each other more during the last five years of our devotion and love for each other, then all the previous three decades, until her passing.
Thank you Kathleen for posting this article. May it help enrich relationships with others and may we all learn and put into use these (and you can carve them in stone) principles for a successful marriage or relationship.